Because sometimes I am tired.
But always, always, I know I am blessed. Always.
The baby in my stretching tummy is around 32 weeks old now. He kicks and wiggles and hiccups. His brothers can feel him moving; they delight in the fact he'll push back when they lay a hand against my shirt.
This pregnancy has been boring compared to the last one, 2 and a half years ago now. That baby didn't kick so much. We didn't know what his life would be like after he emerged into daylight for the first time. No one could say if his body would function or if his brain would work. The second half of his pregnancy was full of ultrasounds and meetings with specialists. The first weeks of his life were busy with back and brain surgeries, MRIs and testing, and lots of interaction with doctors with strings of letters after their names.
Comparatively, this pregnancy has been dull. The only issue has been the placenta growing low on the uterus. Usually, it plugs in higher up, safely out of the way. This placenta isn't blocking the exit, but it's right at the door at the bottom. They say I have marginal placenta previa.
I've been hoping to avoid a c-section. I've been through natural labor and birth three times and had a surgically-removed baby once. Having major abdominal surgery means a long recovery time. After a c-section, I won't be doing much cooking or cleaning or driving. And I won't be able to pick up my little two and a half year old - the one who can't stand, or walk, or climb. (At least not yet.)
|(Disclaimer: this picture is actually from my pregnancy with Ben. There are none yet of me currently with child... But you get the idea.)|
Sometimes I think the doctors believe I'm crazy for wanting another baby after having one with disabilities (and after having 3 kids before that.) Sometimes I'm convinced they just want the easiest option for them, forgetting (or not knowing) the blessing of these children. They subtly recommend abortion if the fetus appears to have complications. They mention often the option of tying my tubes so as to avoid any risk in the future. They push to plan a c-section since I had one the last time. Sometimes, I disagree with these intelligent and capable people who've studied birth and babies for many more years than I even attended school in total. Sometimes.
They said this week that they want to schedule an early c-section (when the baby's around 37 weeks' big.) They want to do an amniocentesis before it, to check the baby's lung development. And I know there's a risk, if I go into labor, that the placenta could separate from the wall it's attached to. If the bleeding from it was significant, it could be deadly. But that risk is slight, considering the position of the placenta. The hospital is minutes from my house. I've gotten a bit more used to doctors giving me worst case scenario in the past couple years, no matter how slight the risk.
But sometimes, I don't know what to do.
I know only one thing that always works.
Would you pray with me?
Pray that as the uterus grows larger that the placenta would be pulled up and further out of the way so that bleeding won't be a concern.
Pray that I would be wise to decide if a c-section is necessary. There is pressure to agree to it, but if it's not necessary, it doesn't seem advantageous to me in the long run.
It's a little thing, in some ways. Good doctors have perfected ways to get a baby out safely. I am so thankful. I also know that much of the time, babies have popped out au natural and healthy, and have for thousands of years. I want to do what is best.
But I could always use a little prayer. Help!