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| In the sandbox. |
Spring cleaning is challenging with children.
Alright, understatement of the season.
Anytime cleaning is challenging with children. In the first place, there wouldn't be a quarter of the mess without them. In the second place, you can't get a quarter of the work done with them underfoot. It is beyond ironic. If you don't have children, or are one of those exceptionally organized folks whom I admire from afar but dare not ever invite over to my disheveled home, you probably should just ignore this post. We live on different planets and our orbits will never quite align. But please wave when you pass serenely by.
For the record, I haven't really gotten around to much actual Spring Cleaning yet this year. I still have half my childrens' drawers to clean out of last year's clothes, windows to wash, hedges to trim, walls and ceilings in need of paint, corners that need to be unburied from clutter, toys to be exhumed from the bottom of toy boxes and sent to places where other parents need used toys to buy, pictures to organize, print, hang, and (I dream), scrapbook, shelves and drawers to de-clutter, curtains and rugs to wash, radiators under which I need to go digging for long-lost treasure... That's just the remainder of last year's Spring Cleaning list.
Perhaps you have no idea what I'm talking about. Or, perhaps, you are in the trenches with me and will be glad to know you're not alone in the fight against clutter and chocolate milk stains. Here is an example of what a (real) cleaning session looks like at my house.
How to Clean a Minivan.
1. Every time you get into the vehicle, realize how dirty it is getting and decide its time to clean. Promptly forget about it after exiting vehicle with arms full of baby and groceries. This stage may last several weeks.
2. Several days before cleaning, write a list of things to do that week and vaguely include "clean van."
3. Day before cleaning, decide what in your daily routine you can leave out the next day to make room for your vehicle detailing. It generally includes, but is not limited to, meal prep, a homeschool lesson or two, folding laundry, precious quiet time during the children's nap, or time I should be cleaning something else.
4. Cleaning day. It rains. Postpone till next day.
5. Cleaning day, second edition. Kids are extra needy. Spend morning hugging fussy babies, laboring for an hour over a 15 minute math lesson, and wiping up spilled yogurt. Twice.
6. Get the little ones down for nap after lunch. Throw dishes in sink to marinate. Send bigger boys outside to play quietly in sandbox. Go out to van with a plastic bag for toys and one for trash. Start decluttering, seat by seat.
7. Go back inside to send three year old back to bed for nap.
8. Return to van. Find four year old emptying bag of toys you've just collected.
9. Go back inside and start movie to keep bigger boys occupied. Plan to vacuum sand in entry after the van is finished.
10. Try to remember to add "more sandbox sand" to shopping list.
11. Drag vacuum outside.
12. Go back inside for extension cord to extend vacuum cord to reach van.
13. Plug in vacuum.
14. Go back inside to find three-prong adjuster so you can plug extension cord into the electrical plug outside the door.
15. Start vacuuming van.
16. Vacuum stops. Go back inside and hunt for a new vacuum bag.
17. Return to vacuuming. Vow never to feed children in van again.
18. Hear big boys fighting. Go inside to stop fight and realize they are fighting over crackers. Crackers are all over sofa. Have vague memory of storing crackers up high where they couldn't see them. Peek in kitchen. See top cupboard door open. See more crumbled crackers on floor. Take remnants of cracker package from boys and threaten to turn off movie. They smile at you and you know they're calling your bluff because if you turn off movie, they will want to come outside to "help" you. Consider never feeding children anything that makes crumbs again. Maybe apples.
19. Hear baby crying on monitor. Ignore him. At least you know where he is.
20. Can't find vacuum bag. Might be more in basement? Go down to check. Walk through cobweb. Wonder for a fleeting moment if a dirty van is really so bad.
21. Go back outside and resume vacuuming with new bag. Thank God for a working vacuum. So valuable.
22. Find sunglasses in tissue box under seat. Only a little (more) scratched. Happy.
23. Daddy long legs from basement crawls out of your hair into van. Not happy.
24. Boys all come outside to see why Momma screeched. "Mom, its just a spider." Ugh. Boys.
25. Decide van is clean enough. Go get crying baby and set him in sandbox with all the other brothers.
26. Go inside for a glass of water and moment of silence.
27. Hear vacuum turn on. Peek outside to see boys vacuuming the (dirt) driveway.
28. Bring vacuum inside. Bring sandy baby inside to make him stop eating sand.
29. Decide vacuuming inside can wait till tomorrow.
30. Make kids stay outside till supper. Feed them. Bathe them. Read to them. Kiss them goodnight. Go downstairs, sit on sofa, stare a ceiling and revel in the silence.
31. Plan not to repeat for another 6 months or so.
Perhaps you have no idea what I'm talking about. Or, perhaps, you are in the trenches with me and will be glad to know you're not alone in the fight against clutter and chocolate milk stains. Here is an example of what a (real) cleaning session looks like at my house.
How to Clean a Minivan.
1. Every time you get into the vehicle, realize how dirty it is getting and decide its time to clean. Promptly forget about it after exiting vehicle with arms full of baby and groceries. This stage may last several weeks.
2. Several days before cleaning, write a list of things to do that week and vaguely include "clean van."
3. Day before cleaning, decide what in your daily routine you can leave out the next day to make room for your vehicle detailing. It generally includes, but is not limited to, meal prep, a homeschool lesson or two, folding laundry, precious quiet time during the children's nap, or time I should be cleaning something else.
4. Cleaning day. It rains. Postpone till next day.
5. Cleaning day, second edition. Kids are extra needy. Spend morning hugging fussy babies, laboring for an hour over a 15 minute math lesson, and wiping up spilled yogurt. Twice.
6. Get the little ones down for nap after lunch. Throw dishes in sink to marinate. Send bigger boys outside to play quietly in sandbox. Go out to van with a plastic bag for toys and one for trash. Start decluttering, seat by seat.
7. Go back inside to send three year old back to bed for nap.
8. Return to van. Find four year old emptying bag of toys you've just collected.
9. Go back inside and start movie to keep bigger boys occupied. Plan to vacuum sand in entry after the van is finished.
10. Try to remember to add "more sandbox sand" to shopping list.
11. Drag vacuum outside.
12. Go back inside for extension cord to extend vacuum cord to reach van.
13. Plug in vacuum.
14. Go back inside to find three-prong adjuster so you can plug extension cord into the electrical plug outside the door.
15. Start vacuuming van.
16. Vacuum stops. Go back inside and hunt for a new vacuum bag.
17. Return to vacuuming. Vow never to feed children in van again.
18. Hear big boys fighting. Go inside to stop fight and realize they are fighting over crackers. Crackers are all over sofa. Have vague memory of storing crackers up high where they couldn't see them. Peek in kitchen. See top cupboard door open. See more crumbled crackers on floor. Take remnants of cracker package from boys and threaten to turn off movie. They smile at you and you know they're calling your bluff because if you turn off movie, they will want to come outside to "help" you. Consider never feeding children anything that makes crumbs again. Maybe apples.
19. Hear baby crying on monitor. Ignore him. At least you know where he is.
20. Can't find vacuum bag. Might be more in basement? Go down to check. Walk through cobweb. Wonder for a fleeting moment if a dirty van is really so bad.
21. Go back outside and resume vacuuming with new bag. Thank God for a working vacuum. So valuable.
22. Find sunglasses in tissue box under seat. Only a little (more) scratched. Happy.
23. Daddy long legs from basement crawls out of your hair into van. Not happy.
24. Boys all come outside to see why Momma screeched. "Mom, its just a spider." Ugh. Boys.
25. Decide van is clean enough. Go get crying baby and set him in sandbox with all the other brothers.
26. Go inside for a glass of water and moment of silence.
27. Hear vacuum turn on. Peek outside to see boys vacuuming the (dirt) driveway.
28. Bring vacuum inside. Bring sandy baby inside to make him stop eating sand.
29. Decide vacuuming inside can wait till tomorrow.
30. Make kids stay outside till supper. Feed them. Bathe them. Read to them. Kiss them goodnight. Go downstairs, sit on sofa, stare a ceiling and revel in the silence.
31. Plan not to repeat for another 6 months or so.
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