Colloquialisms

Lest I forget how flat out interesting it is to listen to children sometimes, here's a list of a few recent kid-isms from my own brood.

- "Everyone head for deep space!  I have to go to the bathroom, but it's too crowded on this planet and you'll all hear me..."  -Gavin, age 7

- "Where's my i-pod?"  -Ben, age 2  (And no, he does not own an i-pod or any similar device).

- "I don't like organic.  I like Fruit Loops."  -Gavin

- "When I stick out my tongue and touch my lip, I can feel my man-hairs."  -Shiloh, age 5

- "Mom, does the President think his job is just for fun?"  -Henry, age 4

- "I'd feel better if I was driving."  -Shiloh, from the backseat.

- "When I'm a teenager, I'm going to stay up super late - till 9 - and eat cereal!"  -Gavin, the rebellious.

-  "Where are the matches?" - Henry

- "The alphabet would have made more sense if I had written it."  -Shiloh

- "Do you have to obey the rules if you're in jail for breaking them already?  Like, do you have to brush your teeth?"  -Gavin

- "That was a speed lemon."  -Henry, referring to an old, but very loud and fast, car.

- "That was the worst cake I've ever had!"  -Shiloh, telling a friend's mom his opinion on their homemade birthday cake.

- "Princesses are too girlish and I am not too girlish so I do not like princesses."  -Henry, logic.

- "It's too bad Oreos aren't good for you.  But at least there's still goat cheese."  -Gavin

- "It's good for us to watch Veggie Tales movies.  It makes us like vegetables and there's always some Bible words at the end.  So can we have some crackers while we watch it?" -Shiloh

- "Mom, you can't dance."  -Ben (it's true.)

- "If we could just make a fire and cook meat, we would be happy."  -Henry, the very male child.

- "Don't throw Ben's diaper away!  If a bad guy tries to come in, we can scare him away with it!"  -Shiloh

- "It would be easier if you'd just let me have a credit card."  -Gavin

- "I'm not dirty enough to be cleaned yet!"  -Henry

- "You don't know how hard it is to be a boy, Mom.  You're just pregnant."  -Shiloh

The Good, the Bad, and the Extremely Uncomfortable

The Good:  Today, the last field trip of the homeschool year, was a lovely boat trip out on the ocean.
The Bad:  The tail light fell off the van on the highway en route.
the Extremely Uncomfortable:  My ungainly pregnant self had to dodge traffic to snatch the fixture off the pavement before it became expensive roadkill.

The Good:  It was incredibly hot everywhere except on the ocean, where it was refreshingly balmy.
The Bad:  The air conditioning in the van wasn't working.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  The fans which could have blown at least warm air past our sweating faces weren't working either.

The Good:  The son who's prone to motion sickness wasn't the least bit fazed by the rocking waves.
The Bad:  I over-packed for the possible messy drama of a sea sick child.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  I dragged all the stuff up and down the hill to the boat, and soaked the bottom of the heavy bag which made a conspicuous mark in an unfortunate spot on my pants.

The Good:  I'm not prone to swelling too much during pregnancies.
The Bad:  There are still hot, humid days when my legs will turn into cankles, and it's only May.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  My toes feel like cheap sausages.  Can you get stretch marks on those little piggies?

The Good: The boys were very good through all the heat and driving and didn't complain.
The Bad:  The youngest stayed home with Grandma and had a great nap in an air conditioned room.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  The oldest are exhausted and went straight to sleep, but the bright-eyed youngest won't stop talking loudly to them from his crib.

The Good:  We made it home in time for supper.
The Bad:  We didn't make it home in time to make it, just in time to be super hungry and ready to eat it.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  I ordered pizza on the way home; someone's diapers are not going to be pleasant tomorrow.

The Good:  We had to drive past Daddy's work place to get to and from the ocean.
The Bad:  We really didn't have time to stop and say hi.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  I remembered that he has some hanging flower baskets there that I've wanted to get for the porch, but I had already decided to spend the money on pizza.

The Good:  There were lots of homeschool mammas for me to talk to on the boat.
The Bad:  I'm an introvert.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  My kids were so excited that they kept chattering to me during the whole trip and I didn't do well catching up with anyone else.

The Good:  I remembered to leave windows open before we left, and it didn't rain.
The Bad:  A wasp managed to get in the house.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  One of my boys *may* always scream like a little girl when faced with a stinging insect.

The Good:  The piece that flew off the van wasn't a tire or an engine block, at least the power windows still opened, the kids are healthy, the baby in my tummy doesn't yet have to be considered a paying passenger on a field trip, the little one had a rare and special afternoon with Grandma, there happened to be a drive-through-to-pick-up-pizza place on the way home, I had money to buy the pizza, my introverted self at least won't be complaining if it doesn't talk, and no body got stung.
The Bad:  We all have days that don't go great.
The Extremely Uncomfortable:  I realize how blessed I am that all my difficulties are inconsequential in the big picture, and I am humbled once again.


Still, I really do wish the child who boldly kissed a sea cucumber this afternoon would learn not to scream like a girl.

I know, count my blessings.
At least his voice hasn't changed yet :)

May

It's the season.  Spring.  Ahh.  Sweet warm breezes wafting through newly-opened windows.  The kids (and I) would be much happier spending our days outside, sucking in sunshiny vitamin D and planting pretty things.  But we're trying to finish the school year without drowning in it; I'm smacking hard into the third trimester of this pregnancy, and have no constructive plans for Summer other than surviving it, which isn't terribly motivating...  It's May here.  How is it going for you?

I MAY take impromptu naps while the boys are supposed to be doing their reading homework with me.

I MAY have Spring cleaning lists written out in triplicate, but I pull the ligaments around my tummy every time I get off the couch.

I MAY have ordered pizza instead of grinding and soaking my own grain to make fresh homemade dough on a long night when my hubby was working late.  (I know; how could I?!?)

I MAY have felt like a terrible teacher when my kid claimed he had no idea how to carry the ones in his adding problems.  He's been doing it well for months.  But when Daddy asked - he suddenly forgot.

I MAY have thrown away some of my children's artwork from the past school year.  Shhh.

I MAY have left the trash can super full and stubbornly waited for my husband to notice it and take it out.  (Though I was the one who couldn't stand the smell.)

I MAY have broken one of my personal cardinal rules.  I ate ice cream alone.  I am ashamed.  A bit.

I MAY need fellowship with actual grown ups, but can't find the energy to clean house or the humility to invite someone over when I haven't mopped in weeks (I MAY need to hurry up and order a new mop head instead of rubbing sticky spots with a paper towel under my toe...)

I MAY have turned on Sesame Street so I could take a late, long shower in peace.  Several times.

I MAY have needed a glass of water but opted for a second cup of coffee instead.

I MAY be losing sight of my toes below my tummy.

I MAY be over-planning a garden that will need attention in August, when I'm nine months' pregnant (and then post-partum.)

I MAY feel a little cooped up when it is gorgeous weather outside, but I still have a mountain of laundry, sink full of dishes, and a catch-up history lesson still to complete before nap time, or else I have to leave it till after bed time or for another day.  Chores don't just disappear because the air got warm.

I MAY have gotten my favorite pregnant skirt smeared with something unmentionable when the naked toddler got excited after bathing, and had to change into unforgiving not-pregnant pants that I can't bend over in and simultaneously breathe.  (Really should have dealt with that laundry pile.)

I MAY have contemplated my options as I watched the big spider crawl frantically around the ceiling over my head while I sat, helpless, in the bathroom.  (Isn't that the age-old conundrum - If you scream in the bathroom, and there are only four young children to hear you and come panic/and/or try to save the spider/kill it with a plunger above your head - could you resist the urge to scream if said spider landed on your head while you were indisposed?)

I MAY have found both gum and puffy glitter paint partially dried on the diaper bag.  But I could not find diapers in it when I looked.

I MAY have gone through a whole box of Angry Bird band aids on all the new boo boos after the boys pulled out their tricycles and scooters.  (Note: not all boo boos actually needed a band aid or ten...)

I MAY not be saving much money by planting a garden this year if I factor in the water bill from all the help I've had with the hose this month.

I MAY need to find a better way to wander around frog ponds this summer than lugging a 2 and a half year old on my pregnant belly while he inadvertently tries to decapitate me with his slimy frog net.  We just may not engage in this inexpensive, muddy, but kid-favorite summer activity so much this season...

I MAY be stocking up on good tissues as some sort of spring fever makes its snuffly rounds through the kids.  (And some shoulder pads for me that will protect my shirt shoulders from the snotty cuddles.)

I MAY have grumbled about the sun rising earlier.  It helps me wake more easily, but I'm not the only one.  Wish you could teach a 2 year old to tell time (and abide by it.)

I MAY have left dishes to marinate in the sink while I started a blog post...

I MAY need to regroup before we head into June.

Life in color.

Some months are just like that.

Now and then

Twenty years ago...

...I would see a field and run across it.
Now - I drive around.

...I thought Prince Charming rode a horse.
Now - I realize he rides a used purple minivan.

...I thought being "grown up" was going to be the best.
 Now - I realize those carefree childhood days were endearingly sweet.

...I thought boys had cooties.
Now - well, now I know they do.

...I thought politics were confusing.
Now - somethings don't change.

...I thought my parents were made of money.
Now - I just wish my husband was.

...Staying up past bedtime was such a treat.
Now - early bedtime is a luxury.

...I thought my aunts and uncles were old.
Now - the "aunt and uncle" are my little sister and brother.

...Vacations were fun.
Now - vacations are exhausting.

...If I wanted to know what my friends were doing, I had to wait until the next day at school and have a conversation to find out.
Now - I just open Facebook.  Or send a text.

...I thought date nights involved fancy restaurants while still unmarried.
Now - some of the best date nights were in the past 10 years, with good ice cream, on the sofa, with my husband, laughing freely, in sweat pants.

...Supper just appeared on the table.  My laundry got clean.  The bathroom cleaned itself.
Now - God, bless my dear mother for her years of thankless service.  I get it now.

...I envisioned being a ballerina or a single journalist living in an apartment with a couple big dogs for company.
Now - I'm a homemaker and mom.  Its the best.  (Most days.)

...I envied the slender shoulders and smooth hips I saw in magazines.
Now - I'm glad my arms are thicker because I carry children and hips are rounder because I bore them.

...I thought wrinkles meant you were old.
Now - I think wrinkles are symbols of earned wisdom.

...They told me God was good.
Now - He doesn't always make me happy; He hasn't made me rich.  But He's loved me at my worst and never left me there.  His good is so much better than I imagined 20 years ago.
They were right.

When the Egg teaches the Chicken

I have, and am, learning a great deal from my children.  Permit me to share a few lessons from the past six years.

1.  Its OK to cry.  Sometimes.

2.  Mud is just awesome.

3.  Being forgiven feels good.

4.  Sleep is just awesome.

5.  There are a few really good kids' books out there.  A few.

6.  If you're shy, let Gavin do the talking.

7.  Don't panic if the smoke alarm goes off; check to see if Mommy's in the kitchen, then wave vigorously at it until the smoke goes away and the baby calms down.  Works every time.  

8.  There's not much a piece of candy - or chocolate - and a cuddle can't heal.

9.  Grandmas are just awesome.

10. Greet the day with relish.  Don't spread relish on the walls.

11. Waking up early means more time to do important stuff.  Read, eat, and wrestle.

12. Schedules make unpredictable life more manageable.

13. Sticks are the best toys.  Cardboard boxes are a close second.

14. Pray regularly for your washer and dryer.  And thank God for running water.

15. Snuggling a baby calms you both down.

16. Chocolate milk and crackers can help reconcile a crummy afternoon, whether you are 3 or 30.

17. Sometimes it takes more than one time to learn a lesson.

18. Practice makes better.

19. Folks under at least four years old cannot lie or practice deceit successfully.  That is a blessing and an honor, and we should all wish for that kind of innocence.

20. Being a mommy is just awesome.  

Inventions for Little Children Made by Childless Folks

(I can testify personally to the insanity of all of these creations experienced at least once over the last 6 years of my child-rearing journey.  If these are news to you... Consider yourself warned.)

1.  Beautiful, fragile, pop-up books.

2.  Toys with no "off" button.

3.  Toys with no volume control.

4.  Boats that aren't watertight.  (Did they truly not imagine these were going straight into a bathtub?)

5.  Cheap water guns with fill holes too small for water to get in.

6.  Rainboots for babies.

7.  Red food dye.

8.  Happy meal toys.

9.  Automatic bubble blowers that aren't water resistant.

10. The whole candy selection below four feet in the grocery store check out lane.

11. Ipods.

Because I love you...

1. ...I will finish your half-eaten soggy cereal.

2. ...I will take you back inside and change your stinky diaper even though it will make us late.

3. ...I will discipline you.

4. ...I will tell you "No."

5. ...I will be awake when you are.

6. ...I will brag about you to my friends and Grandma.

7. ...I will let you stomp in mud puddles.

8. ...I will cuddle you sometimes even when I am overwhelmed with housework that you created.

9. ...I will dress you, feed you, keep you warm and safe even though you pull off your clothes, spit out your food, leave the door open and try to play in the road.

10. ...I will tell you that Jesus loves you enough to live and die for you.  I will try to be a small example of Him to you every day so you can learn to love Him too, though it takes me to the end of myself... Because He first loved me.

You know you have a two year old when...

1.  The underside of the table is as sticky as the top.

2.  You find tissues in the dvd player.

3.  He asks for a spoon and your first thought is to protect the houseplants.

4.  You're not surprised to find plastic insects on the bottom shelf in the refrigerator.

5.  You own plastic insects.

6.  You never go to the bathroom alone.

7.  You give treats and praise when he goes to the bathroom - alone or otherwise.

8.  The most logical places to look for something missing are (a) the trash (b) the toilet and (c) his mouth.

9.  An empty juice box goes whizzing by your head as you drive the minivan, and you can tell by the high pitched evil laugh behind you whose car seat it came from.

10. The two best times of the day are (a) nap time and (b) when the happy, rested little person that looks suspiciously like you reaches up to be picked out of the crib and cuddled.

Ten things I said for the first time today

1. Don't feed my watch to the baby.

2. Don't draw on the toilet with that orange crayon.

3. Get the alligator out of my houseplants.

4. Use a tissue not the sofa.  (Ok, I admit, I've said that one before.)

5. Don't drive Lightning McQueen through your muffin.

6. I don't know if Cookie Monster wears underpants with a picture of himself on them.

7. Go with Daddy and chase those deer that just ran by.

8. No, you can't have a machete for Christmas.

9. Get out of the dryer.

10. Shiloh, you wrote your name by yourself for the first time today!

I have said, "Get out of the dishwasher" before.